I have spent the day bathed in light. I have described myself as ‘an artist surrounding herself with the light and color I see around me’. And until yesterday, I worked in the studio at the mercy of brilliant sunshine on those good days, and totally inadequate strip lights when the glom and the rain set in. I saw the light so-to-speak at another’s studio with their daylight bulbs, and knew I had to have them. Now, I can see the paint, the textures, the gloss and shine. And I will ignore the cobwebs in the previously shadowy corners; spiders don’t bother me and I will leave them in peace.
Enlightenment came about in part because of Richard Diebenkorn. he wrote in his ‘Notes to myself on beginning a painting’ that #1- attempt what is not certain. Certainty may or may not come later. It may then be a valuable delusion.’ I had become aware of a stability and sameness in my painting over the last while. What I completed was good and I was happy with them. But I was not thrilled, intrigued, delighted to see and want to know. There was no risk. The only thing I was certain about was the series of paintings on canvas and paper I had started 6 months ago- a suite I called Procession- was not going to work, and I painted over them. And the canvases where I spent time tipping them up and down and all around trying to figure out the’right’ way up- those have been painted over. There were some really beautiful passages but they were like passing thoughts. I will remember them. Maybe they will turn up again. i am now ready to start something new. I don’t know what. Or when. Or how. Or why. While I am waiting, I will turn on my lights and doodle and sketch and mix up new colors. And say Hi to the spiders.